


(All I can say is) Oh Shit

by Reginacorn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Genderbend, Multi, Sexbend, a bunch of other crazy spells, crazy witch oc, hella fluff, truth spell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 02:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2675114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reginacorn/pseuds/Reginacorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Liam," Castiel turns to whisper to the ruffled passenger, "do you understand why Dena's car is an infant?"</p>
<p>Dena loses her shit and almost slams her face into the steering wheel.</p>
<p>---------</p>
<p>Witches and angels and hunters, oh my! The Winchester sisters get themselves cursed by a particularly mischievous witch. The curse isn't dangerous, as far as they can tell, but that won't stop them from killing the bitch of a witch if this lasts much longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well fuck, we're cursed

"Cass, Cassie, baby, to what do I owe the pleasure?" 

Cass seems confused by something Dena said, gaze intently focusing on her, and eyebrows knitting together as though trying to solve some puzzle. Dena stares right back, blowing up a wad of gum and letting it pop before sucking it back into her mouth and chewing languidly. Her perfectly maintained eyebrow raises pointedly. "The night ain't gonna be young for long Cassie, if you got a question, spit it out," her lip catches on the gum, and she runs her tongue over chapped lips, dislodging it, "babe." 

"Ah," Cass twirls a strand of hair that has fallen out of her bun between her slender fingers. She proceeds thoughtfully into her next sentence, "I would just like to assure you that there is no need for concern, Dena," she absentmindedly tucks the strand neatly back into her bun "the chances of my transforming into an infant again is minimal. I have had no further encounters with warlocks to recount. Your concern is appreciated, however." 

Dena gapes, gum dangling precariously from between her molars before she snorts, laughter building and shoulders shaking violently. She throws her head back, smacking it against the headboard of her bed. "Shit!" She rubs the back of her head and glares begrudgingly at the traitorous piece of furniture before turning to Cass, amused smile reappearing. "Sorry doll, but if that ain't the damnedest thing I've heard in a while, I'm not sure what is." She claps the perpetually confused angel on the shoulder. "It's a figure of speech hon, a pet name. Like doll and honey." 

"But," there go the eyebrows again "I am not a pet, am I? Angels are not considered pets are they?" Her eyes widen in something almost akin to fear, and Dena can't help it, she fucking loses it again.

"Cass please quit while you're ahead," Dena wheezes slightly as her coughing laughter subsides "as much as i love laughing until my cheeks go numb, i think you're going to give me a heart attack."

Cass seems to bite back some remark, chewing on her bottom lip and furrowing her already wrinkled brow. Probably concerned about Dena's impending heart attack.

"Hey, c'mon now, none of that." Dena reaches over and smooths the worried skin with the pad of her thumb, kneading until it relaxes. "That's better. A wrinkled forehead is unbecoming of you."

"Using big words when your little sister isnt around to hear them I see," Sam closes the door behind her, two salads balanced on top of each other, with a burrito teetering precariously at the top of the pile filling her hands "I'm almost hurt, i thought you would at least save them for me."  
Dena snorts, eyeing the burrito at the top of the pile. "that burrito better be for me Sammy."

Sam tosses the burrito just far enough out of reach so that Dena has to dive to catch it. "Not even a thank you?" her fake sniffle is not convincing, but she sobers up soon enough, sneering at the greasy deliciousness currently crammed in Dena's mouth. "i know you well enough Dena, if i got you anything under the recommended amount of calories in a day for one of your meals, i know you'd have my throat."

"Youre damn right." that would sound more vindictive if not muffled by cheesy burrito goodness, but hakuna Matata man. Words to live by.

"So," Dena turns to face Cass, still chewing "what's up, why are you here?"

Castiel turns to Sam, who hands her one of the salads. The bastard is in on it then. A momentary flash of jealousy inhibits Dena's relaxed smile until she can plaster it back on and turn crookedly to look at Cass again, forcing herself not to think about what the feeling meant.

"Samantha requested my assistance. I was under the impression that she had brought that to your attention, but I realize now that that might not be the case." She turns, brow furrowed once again, to Sam, as if to ask why Dena wasn't in the loop.

Dena sucks the burrito residue off her fingers, returning her slobbery thumb to it's place on Castiel's forehead, gently smoothing out the wrinkles once again. Sam's eyes shift to the display, but she doesn't say anything. "I figured Cass helps us hunt so much already, she's practically a part of our group." She shrugs dismissively. "Besides, we could probably use her help since time is of the essence and she could probably help us figure out just what the fuck we're hunting. I mean, we're probably walking into a trap seeing as all of our information came from a mysterious anonymous source."

Dena removes her fingers from Cassie's forehead, letting them linger a bit longer than necessary before using them to scratch her chin in contemplation. "Point taken, our experiences with anonymous sources have been-" she grimaces "-mixed. To say the least. We are probably about to fall ass backwards into a trap, but hey, when has that ever stopped us from getting the baddie?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "Plenty of times, but we don't really have a choice. People are disappearing faster than before, and we don't have any other leads. I'll jump at any chance to kill this thing, at this point."

"Yeah, your point is taken. Just give me a little bit of time digest my burrito you know what mom says, you have to wait at least sixty minutes after eating until you fight monsters."

Sam groans loudly. "The worst part is you aren't even joking. The irony of mom's advice always did evade me until I was exposed to normal kids." She sighs. "Might as will give you some time to process your food, besides Cassie and I still need to eat."

The address turns out to belong to a warehouse overlooking the waterfront, suspiciously old and very obviously abandoned. 

"Well," Dena sighs "this really does look like a place where a trap would be set up. But fuck it, i'm going in. I don't care anymore. Let's just find this thing and fight it."

Before Dena can stroll and loudly and get herself killed, Sam grabs her jacket and pulls her back by it. "What do you think you're doing?" She hisses through her teeth "Do you just plan on letting that thing know that you're there right off the bat? Do you know how bad of a plan that is? What is up with you and your suicidal tendencies? Please for my sake, try not to get us all killed."

"Alright, alright," Dena brushes off her jacket, straightening it out in the places that were wrinkled by Sam's pull "What's the plan man?"

"Well," Sam rolls her eyes "the plan is to go in quietly, so that we don't all die. It's very simple, really. So let's do that, now, before something notices that we're here. That is of course if this isn't a trap."

Dena wastes no more time, moving cautiously and silently to the door of the warehouse. She can't help but notice Castiel's smooth glide, and Sam's confident, yet cautious gait following behind her. She also can't help but find the two reassuring. She knows that if there's anyone who can keep her out of trouble, it's these two. She leans against the door, gun at the ready, and presses her ear against it before signaling that all is clear, and Sam can open the door now.

The deadlock is picked easily enough, and though the chains are a bit noisy as they slide off the handles, it's all too simple. Usually jobs provide more of a challenge. Usually they have to research, to interview, to search diligently simply to find the identity of whatever creature is causing the problem they are investigating. Usually, they have to work to track down the creature once they know what it is. And usually, once they track it down, they have to spend time and energy figuring out how, exactly they are going to get into said lair. The lack of challenge is not only suspicious, but also somewhat annoying. All of that stuff is half the fun, the fighting just ends in bruises, and the sense of accomplishment once the job is done, and done through their hard work, is always a prize well worth their energy.

The doors creak open as all three of them slowly creep into the darkness, using week flashlights so as to light the way while not giving themselves away. But all that effort is for naught, I was once they are all inside of the warehouse, the doors slam shut behind them.

"Oh come on!" Dena shouts as the air fills with the brittle cackling of a woman well past her prime. "I knew all of this was too good to be true. Damn it." 

"The Winchesters, how nice of you to join me! And I see you've brought an angel too! Is she a friend of yours?" The which chokes out the laughter of someone who's just told an amazing joke, but she hasn't. She didn't even make a joke. Dena already doesn't like her. And her stupid jokes. Or not jokes. "When you've had enough of laughing at your own jokes, which aren't even jokes, if they were they wouldn't be good ones. Maybe you could tell us why you brought us here? Let me guess, you want to kill us. Shot in the dark, just throwing it out there."

The pruney and gross old woman cackles again. Obviously laughing at some joke they all just happen to miss. Again. This whole trend of nobody getting jokes probably goes to show that the jokes aren't that good. 

Once the woman swallowed her laughter enough to compose herself, she makes a very loud and very obnoxious buzzing noise. Like the ones that can be heard on game shows when somebody answers a question incorrectly. "Wrong," the witch sing-songs, drawing out the last syllable and effectively damaging everybody's ears. "I'm not going to kill you. I'm not even going to hurt you! You should consider yourself lucky, I don't do this to everyone you know!" She twirls, obviously reveling in her own generosity "You see, I've taken a liking to you, Winchesters. You've proven yourselves quite formidable. So, as a reward, rather than harming and/or killing you, i'm just going to get my kicks by cursing you with couple of very nasty jokes. The only problem," she croons "is that you won't know what the jokes will be, or when They will be happening. There's no pattern, no method to the madness. Oh no, no, no, I couldn't have any of that, it would just suck all the fun out of this game. However, if I didn't give you the chance of at least figuring out what's happening to you, The thrill of the chase will be lost. Also, it just wouldn't be fair." And with that, she smiles sweetly one last time before disappearing entirely, leaving them alone in the darkness until they hear the door slowly creak open.


	2. Oh shit (I can't believe I fell for that)

It's been five days and still nothing," Dena's declaration is muffled by a slice of cherry pie "Maybe the whole joke was just us; sitting on our asses and wondering when the curse is going to get us. Or maybe, it was just all those bogus disappearances. I mean, I know Sammy sure to get her panties in a bunch over that one." 

Cass sits ramrod straight, as per usual, politely picking at a slice of pie and intermittently tucking stray strands of hair behind her ear. "No, the witch is probably waiting for us to get comfortable. She's likely not to strike until we've forgotten about the curse." 

Sammy sighs and turns away from her laptop. "As concerned as I am about a witch and her pranks," ouch Sammy, sarcasm bites "I'm a little bit more concerned about the werewolf sightings and mysterious, gory deaths that these townspeople have been living with for the past year."

\------Day 19------  
"Jesus, that vamp just about killed me"

"It sure did tear your clothes to hell. And your face."

"Yeah, well-"

"Hold on Dena... i'm getting a phone call." 

"Thats weird." Dena mumbles her dissent, but otherwise leaves her sister alone. phone calls really are few and far between, and often important.  
\--------  
"Hey" 

"Heya Sammy." The voice on the line is familiar, but she hasnt heard it in years. The last time ahe did was when she was at Stanford...

"L-Lisa? How did you get this number? Wha- who gave it to you?"

"Nice to hear from you too Sam," the voice chukles, but soon turns tentative "and its Liam now, I know it dosent shound like it yet, but, Liam. Please."

"Yeah, sure, Liam. Wow. Its really nice to hear from you again, its been ages. But seriously, how did you get this number?"

"Remember your doppleganger friend? The one who imitated my best friends sister? Framed her for murder? Yeah, he got kinda torn up about that again when his sister passed away. Ended up telling me all about it. The whole truth. At first I was kind of skeptical but," he stops to take a deep sigh "He acted like he was telling me the truth. Besides, I was always very open minded about these things. Never really shunned the possibility of lore really existing. So once i knew about the whole 'hunting monsters' thing it was a lot easier to find you. Because i was looking for you before, of course. We all were. But all it took were a few suspicious articles once i knew what was up. I ran into some hunters along the way. Kinda got into the whole hunting thing. You know the whole hunting community too, all abuzz with news about the amazing Winchester sisters. Good job with Lucifer by the way. Anyways, finally got ahold of a guy who knew a guy with your number. He figured you were looking into that vamp nest in Kentucky, and thats how I ended up here-" there is a knock at the motel door "at a room that i really hope is actually yours."

Sam rushes to open the door, flinging her arms around the figure on her doorstep.

"Jesus Liam, it's been too long. I cant believe you started hunting," Sam holds him at arms length, searching his eyes "what happened to getting a law degree?" 

Liam shrugs. "Same thing that happened to bieng a girl," he flashes her a wide and blindingly white smile "I realized it wasnt for me.What about you Sammy," His eyes roam over Sam, drinking in her features "did you realize bathing wasnt for you?"

a blush creeps across Sam's face. "No, I just-" her eyes flicker over to Cass and Dena in the corner "we just finished with those vamps."

"Yeah," Dena pipes up from her place in front of the mirror, toweling off her hair "Those vamps fought dirty," she throws the towel to Cass, who just barely catches it "literally. Their lair was covered in mud. And blood. It was pretty gross."

"Listen," Sam interrupts "we're looking into some strange behavior in Milford, Conneticut next. We're thinking theyre posessions, and we could use all the help we can get. If youre willing to tag along that is."

"Posessions," Liam grins "sounds like fun"

"Oh come on," Dena calls from her bed "I thought it was just supposed to be the two of us. The dynamic duo. Comrades for life. The blazing gun sisters." 

Sam looks pointedly at the closed bathroom door. 

"wh- oh, uh," Dena blusters, tripping over her own words "N- no boys allowed." She seems smug in her brilliant solution.

"Darn," Liam smiles "if only youd caught me a couple years ago."  
Sam shoots Dena a loaded look.

"Aw cmon Sammy," Dena grumbles noisily "Baby's getting full."  
\-------------  
Five hours into the road trip and Gabby flashes into existence in the back seat.  
"Oh come on! Baby can't take much more of this guys, I ain't a bus!"  
"You're right, it's a bit cramped back here" Gabby sniffs disdainfully. But she seems to take interest in what she smells. She turns to face Liam before smiling and blinking back out of existence with a snap.  
"Liam," Castiel turns to whisper to the ruffled passenger "do you understand why Dena's car is an infant?"  
Dena loses her shit and almost slams her face into the steering wheel.  
\------------  
"We're investigating the strange behaviours in this town," Sam flashes her badge "we think there is a new drug on the market that causes people to exhibit uncharacteristically mallicious behavior. Have you noticed anyone acting like that?"  
"Well," she drawls, leaning in to whisper from behind her hand "just between you and me, Tina from whole foods has not been as cheery as she normally is. You should probably look into that, she's usually a gem."  
"Thanks," Sam winces as one of the woman's sharply manicured nails scrapes across the countertop she's leaning over "did you notice anything else?"  
"No," a smirk "nothing but your pretty face, officer." She leans in, a sultry edge to her voice as Sam sweats uncomfortably.  
"Alrighty then," Liam grabs Sam's shoulder, dragging her back to the impala "thank you for your help."  
Sam slams the door to the passenger seat behinds her as she slides in besides Dena. "Thanks for that Liam, you really saved me back there."

"Of course," Liam gropes around for a seatbelt before realizing that there is none "Sure does bring back memories though," he chuckles "I always did have to fight off the masses of your admirers with a broomstick. Usually creepy guys though, some greaseball who slithered into our bar. Not really used to middle aged women in leopard print with very nice, very sharp nails. Then again, I guess we're middle-aged too now"

"No we ain't," Dena interrupts from the front seat "I'm still in the prime of my life, and you are too Sammy, so act like it! Why aren't you going after that cougar in there? She looks like she could take someone for a helluva ride." Dena licks her lips as she stares at the woman through her rear view mirror.

"That sounds like more of a Dena move then a Sam move," Liam turns to Sam for confirmation, receiving it in earnest "now stop undressing the cougar slash leopard with your eyes and get your ass in gear, we're going to whole foods."

\----------  
"So, Tina. What was that you saying about destroying the Winchesters," the demon growls from her place tied to a chair "and rising to be queen of hell? I don't think I quite heard."

"Shut up and exorcize the demon, Dena," Sam rolls her eyes "we don't have all day."

"Why don't you just tell Dena and all her little buddies to fuck off," the demon makes a jerking motion with her thumb to the door "so that you and I can have some real fun, Sammy." The demon winks.

"Why the hell is everyone hitting on me today?"

Liam shoulders past Dena and starts reading from the book. The demon's smirk falls off its face and soon turns into a sneer, and then a grimace as garbled voices pour from its body, speaking in ancient tongues and angrily trying to free itself from the ropes. The demon stills as the ritual ends, and it's head snaps backwards, spilling black smoke from its maw. 

\-----------  
"So," Liam follows Sam out of the store at a slow gait "is plaid like, the unofficial uniform for hunters? I've always wondered."

"Yeah, kind of. I mean, you're wearing it too."

"I can't help it, it looks so good on you, I was kind of hoping the magic would rub off on me."

Sam chuckles nervously, watching as Liam stares up from beneath his lashes, biting his lip. "Thanks. And thank you for fighting off all of those creeps who were hitting on me. I really appreciate it. I mean," she smiles "I always have."

"Yeah," Liam mumbles breathily "it's no problem." 

Th two begin to lean towards each other, heads tilting and hands falling in hips, and then they're kissing. Warm, chapped lips pressing against each other as Sam's hand comes up to rest on Liam's shoulder, and then to cup his face. Thumbing at the wrinkles there. Too many wrinkles. Sam's eyes snap open and her head flies back. The witch stands before her, cackling loudly before proofing out of existence. 

"I'm gonna kill that fucking witch."


End file.
